Posted on December 13 2016
Fit and Thick; the two most perfectly paired words that
immediately captivate your sense of curiosity.
At least, that’s how I was pulled in. How could two words that represent two different worlds collide and be so powerful, positive, and accepting? My prior knowledge of being fit was to be thin. There was no celebration of curves; rather, it was the curse of curves. To be thin was this fantasy image in my head, but no matter how much I dieted and worked out, my curves remained. These thighs forever kept me out of goal pants, and I despised them for it. The world surrounding me didn’t seem to have this problem; I internalized myself as extremely flawed and near worthless. If I couldn’t match the world’s standard of fit that everyone else did so seamlessly, then there must be something wrong with my body. What I was doing was working terribly hard at being something I am not. I’ve never been thin framed and never will be. I didn’t accept this, and actually fall in love with the reality of my body until stumbling across Fit and Thick.
Fit and Thick. Was I dreaming? It is possible for these two worlds to meet? At 22 years old I found what I was unknowingly looking for my entire life. Acceptance. My heart melted until it completely overflowed as my brain tried to grasp this concept. I could be both Fit and Thick. My body was no longer a burden. It was in that moment that my viewed shifted and my heart was no longer hardened towards my physical appearance. Flaws suddenly became unique traits; curves, a gift, and my whole person, worthy. I never knew home could exist in someone’s message. Overwhelmed by this and its entirety, I sought to become the best version of who I truly am. For the first time, not only was it okay to be thick, it was a beautiful gift. A word I could never imagine using to describe myself.
The complete full circle this movement has made on my life is tremendously humbling. I’ve shed so many tears of sadness over the years in my fight to find peace about myself, but how amazing that many more tears of joy were shed when I officially joined this family?! For weeks I cried at the realization that the six year old believing her body needed to change, the ten year old ashamed of her thighs at the swimming pool, the fourteen year old that threw up and exercised excessively, the fifteen year old on fat burner and diet pills simultaneously, the seventeen year old who cried at the mirror’s reflection, and the twenty year old who hid behind forty extra pounds would hang on long enough to see purpose put to all the deep rooted pain. The darkness I had experienced would be given light, and my goodness was it a glorious thing to feel the tears stream down my face as I reflected on all the good that had just flooded my life.
I chose this path. I chose to fight against the mold out of fear I would be sad my entire existence. I chose to search tirelessly for the good in life, and it chose me back. I fought to love myself and I won.
Thank you Nicole Mejia and my Fit and Thick family for choosing me.
…"Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
- Kassandra Lloyd
Kassi is one of our Boston Ambassadors; she shares a little glimpse of her life on her blog.